Why do people like Shibari?

Meteor hangs over Earth

Asking why is always a good thing. I think conflict arises when the person asking expects a logical and measurable explanation. I believe and tell people commonly that, because Shibari can be so emotionally powerful, it is inherently irrational. For what reasonable purpose does the desire of being tied up give benefit? 

How Shibari might have come about

How can something with violent ideas behind it be enjoyable? When I was a child I believed I was strange or even evil for being fascinated by bondage. Bad guys were always shown as the ones tying people up, and whoever was tied up didn’t like it one bit, so I thought something was wrong with me. In my pre-teens did I learn that some people enjoyed being tied up too, making me feel like I discovered a whole part of myself I felt ashamed of.

Across many cultures examples of non-violent restraint used in ceremony and dance can be seen, but I think Japan is unique for having a very explicitly pleasure-based practice around rope. It is quite possible that in Japan, erotic rope was done as early as the 1400s, especially as a taboo, I agree with the theory that it was not recorded for quite some time. Duirng the Tokugawa Shogunate four forms of torture were introduced: whipping, pressing stone, bent positions through rope, and suspension.

While I have heard several people who shared similar experiences of genetic predisposition, seldom European, often East Asian, it’s still not the norm. Most practitioners of Shibari came to love it by learning of it. I find their reasons and journeys much more complicated and interesting in their own right, for some it's the allure of an exotic taboo, while others wanted something new in the bedroom, only to discover more.  

In the pleasure districts of Japan, plenty of elements of roleplay were performed, in the same manner as fantasy, like the Police Officer and a person about to be ticketed, the same type of roleplay happened. With the introduction of these tortures, people of the time likely wanted to play out fantasies. I think people as a whole like to play with the ideas of power dynamics.

So, why?

The most common physical sensation compared to Shibari is a hug, and I must agree. A common means of mental and body therapy has been compression done in many forms. I think that when we put ourselves in a vulnerable position, we are susceptible to greater emotional intake. A combination of these factors makes it so alluring for those who enjoy it.

Healing and Shibari

Whenever the claim is made though, be it by me or someone else, that Shibari can offer a kind of therapeutic help, I love when professionals scrutinize it. There is so few studies on Shibari that it might send the right person down a rabbit hole of figuring out what makes people desire Shibari. Especially for those of us who have felt inclinations to it outside our control. 

To be fully honest, Shibari is a part of my life that is necessary for me to feel balanced. I really do need it the same way I need food and water. While being the one who ties offers me the opportunity to think with intent, being the one tied offers me contemplation and a firm feeling of groundedness. 

I heard it said that someone who does crafts might be inclined toward learning to tie, as someone who does crafts I can see the similarities clearly as I find much relaxation with the movements of my hands. Nothing is more rewarding to me than a fluid movement that has become second nature to my fingers.

Inherently, Shibari is perverse, but I believe it is capable of so much more, too. I don’t think anyone should pursue it for a means of healing, it opens vulnerabilities and sensitivities that someone might not even be aware of. Exploration into it should be done carefully and mindfully, thinking about what it means for you itself is a very powerful way to learning about your own limitations, boundaries, and desires. It requires a headspace that is fully self-aware. I think this reflection itself has helped me grow greatly as a person. 

Mentality

While this is anecdotal, I find that many people who are interested in Shibari have some kind of ADHD. While I lack a diagnosis, I relate to the desire to be forced to sit still that people with ADHD have said they like about being tied. Shibari provides a very unique sensation of stimulation that I feel soothes the mind and makes it slow down.

Within the context of relationships

Of course, I must include more on submission and dominance. For some people, they look for control, while others look to lose it. I mostly have heard from the submission side and can quite relate to the sentiment of having to be so independent so much in daily life that losing all control is a fantasy of desire. The state of mind referred to as "sub-space" has been described as greatly healing, and I must personally agree.

Shibari can be a builder of trust between people. No matter how much I prefer to distance myself from S&M, ultimately, the person getting tied is entrusting the person tying them to treat them as they wish.

Conclusion

While on the surface, Shibari is far from rational, I think the argument can be made that it makes sense in the context of relationships. It builds a deep and powerful trust. It gives the space to be present and in the moment, showing attention and intention.

 Look for my next article regarding sub-space and more exploration into the cultural reasons!